Have you ever wanted to begin something, and just didn't know where to start? That's where I am at with writing this blog. If I'm being honest (which honesty is exactly what I'm going for) this is really hard. Digging deep is easy for me, sharing is the hard part. Being vulnerable is the last thing most of us want to do, but what happens when we let ourselves step into that vulnerable place? We are able to be ourselves, in an authentic light we all crave. I am ready; ready to share, ready to be honest and ready to do exactly what I've been feeling called to do, starting with writing and speaking my truth through this blog. We have all been through something difficult, traumatic, and life changing. So why is there so much separation, and so much hatred. It's time to connect and find support in our similarities and acceptance in our differences. I'm here to share the scary stuff, the pain, and confusing bullshit in everyday life that I'm sure you can relate too, also I will share the highs and the happy moments that make all of this healing truly worth it. This is for you, and this is for me. Lets get deep and leave that surface level.
Since we are being honest I'm in a weird place currently. A better place than three months ago that's for sure, but a weird place non the less. A few months ago I was serving, although it was decent money and I didn't have to work long hours I felt more and more drained everyday I went into work, truth is after a while ALL of my jobs felt that awful. Something actually felt broken inside, I had no drive and felt extremely disconnected to not only every person I came into contact with but most of all I felt disconnected from myself. I would have loved to blame my job (as I have done in the past) but the truth is it was me. I was broken. Work and TV were always an easy escape for me and it became exactly that everyday. As soon as I could come up to the surface for air, I felt like I was drowning again already over and over. I felt disconnected from my soul but one day driving to work I felt on my heart "trust". Universe/God/Source undeniably was there in that moment when I was so lost. Every once and a while we feel things we cant explain but I absolutely feel what happens next was a blessing in disguise I knew I had to trust. There was a fire the next day at the restaurant I was serving at. I felt devastated, it really felt like I lost something but I knew to trust this. I couldn't keep escaping, I finally had to face the monsters I had been avoiding for months or maybe even years. I have taken this time to fall back in love with my life and heal in every way I needed. Physical pain was only a fraction of the healing I was going to have to reconnect with. I was still feeling pain in my jaw from my wisdom teeth surgery over 2 years ago, I had been coping and ignoring at all cost. My back and feet were also suffering along with my poor health. Emotional pain was the last place I wanted to visit (we are going to get into all of that good stuff that we all avoid like the plague). Of course my mental health was on a downward spiral also. I'm not here to complain about all my bullshit and find sympathy, I don't want or need that. I am here to share and hopefully help someone who is going through something I have gone through or similar. Pain isn't evil, it is our tool to guide us to nurture what is broken. Ignoring pain is the easy part, feeling it and letting it hit us right where it hurts is the hardest thing but when you feel you heal. Lets grow through what we go through. I'm here to be honest and I know if you've read this far you're also here to be honest, so I'd like to take a minute and say thank you! I hope this resonates so you'll keep coming back to see where this journey takes me! If you'd like to share anything or talk about any of this please slide in my dm's on instagram! My life feels like a mess but that's ok I'm embracing the uncertainty and excited to see how I show up authentic and in full expression.