What if before we reincarnate our souls make an agreement. Maybe a certain purpose we choose to fulfill, or maybe karma we are meant to face. Whatever the case we come here with a commitment and some of us follow the call and some of us miss it. once you follow the call, you always hear it. It burns brighter when we start paying attention. Transformation is always apart of the journey. We can’t ignore it, and we shouldn’t. Resisting transformation can be painful or worse, comfortable.
The one thing everyone on the journey inward has in common is transformation. It may look beautiful and magical on the outside to be connected with yourself and the deepest parts of your soul but the truth is it took a lot, and I mean A LOT to get there. I don’t care what anyone says, any transformation is valuable and it is never usually easy.
Transformation is an interesting thing. When you are in the center of the change you may feel like everything is actually falling apart and you are on the verge of a breakdown, feeling further from your goal more than ever before. Something happens at this point just when you’re about ready to give up, and maybe that’s why transformation is hard because you do fall apart but that’s when you start coming back together. When you finally hit rock bottom and shatter into a million pieces, the only way to go is up. Parts of you may feel like you’re dying, ideas dying and feeling like “fuck now what do I do”. That’s just the beginning and we never see it in that moment but when you look back at that time it’s always a reward to see how far you’ve come.
I’ve had these moments happen all to many, you’d think I’d be an expert At getting through them by now but nope I’m still always learning and I think it will always be that way. I will always be a student to life, and I am always taught something new. I recently have connected back deeply with a few things that bring me very close to myself and have always created the most transformation in my life. Life will always be changing, and we can be settled knowing that we will always adapt as long as we don’t resist. When you find something that gets you through the tough times like working out, art, or meditating, or maybe a hobbie. We are meant to adapt but we are also meant to move through things, not stand still in fear of what change might bring. If we do choose to cling to the past it’s usually even more uncomfortable than changing would have been.
Last weeks blog I went very deep on a transformation that shifted my whole life. That was the first huge transformation I believe I went through. I grew mentally, I was getting in shape and I was growing in a spiritual way for the first time after going through a devastating change. I could get way into that story again but instead I’d like to share my last HUGE transformation.
Once again I was woke the fuck up. I lost touch of the big picture. It happens to us all. Especially if you’re a hustler, always working trying to provide for yourself and the ones you love. Two years ago I thought I was working hard but honestly I was just loving the money but I spent it like it was burning a hole in my pocket and I had no energy to do anything besides work. I was drained. I felt like crap. My body ached in places it never had before. I was hunching over and I had stopped doing the things the made me feel good. I wasn’t working out, hardly even moving my body unless I was working. As soon as I’d get off I just wanted to rest or drink some vodka or a beer. This cycle took over, without me even noticing. My nervous system felt like it was on over drive. I felt ok, but definitely not great, ever.
I was smoking weed every chance I got, and I mean every chance. Let’s just say way to much, and I love my weed still but I was doing it to the point were I was just coping, suppressing and numbing. That worked, for a while. It’s kinda my coping mechanism I go back to but I was doing just that, coping. All of my awful depression came back. Feelings of suicide even that I had in the past also. I was losing grip. I was gaining a lot of weight and not dealing with my emotions or anything for that matter.
I was just living life casually this way and then something very unexpected happened. One of my best friends passed away. He was gone, just like that. This was the person I hung out with at work, had all of my inside jokes with and long heart to hearts. He was actually one of the only ones I told I was suicidal even. He told me it was going to be ok, and I believed him. Even though he was gone I still believed him. He used to always tell me “You’re Jean Grey, you are a Phoenix my dear”. When he would say that at the time I was like what the heck does this kid mean, but when I lost him it truly meant everything to hold those words.
He was right. I am a fucking Phoenix. When you get up after you crash. When you die, and rise up from the ashes. When you have a burning light that can darken and then shine brighter than ever, you’re a Phoenix.
The Phoenix is truly a symbol of transformation. They die, and then come back to life. That’s some intense life and death shifting right there. Maybe you can look at times in your life that you were a Phoenix. Letting go, burning down everything you were can feel scary, but it can also be beautiful. It’s going to be uncomfortable at times, but some moments truly are priceless when you see how far you’ve come.
After losing my dear friend I decided to create a life that’s worth living for me, because I still had my life and I made a declaration to never take that for granted again. Since I made that declaration, life has been anything but easy and definitely some crazy unexpected things have happened but I am standing tall for what feels right to me, and I feel fucking great again, not just ok anymore. Since making that declaration I’ve lost friends, lost a job, and even lost a relationship with both of my parents but I’ve also started a blog, traveled, made deeper connections, fallen back in love with taking care of my body started my own family and even starting my own business. If I would have clung to the old how the hell would I have had space for all of these huge massive blessings?
The transformation has been long, really fucking long but when I look in the mirror I’m loving the women I am more and more everyday. I forgot what that felt like for a little while and I truly didn’t know if I’d get it back. Life will always flow with us, sometimes we must lose things for better things to form. Don’t push against the current, flow with it. If we resist we get stuck and we let life happen to us instead of for us. Transformation is tough, but make that leap, follow that call and watch everything around you change in the most beautiful epic amazing ways.
If you would like help with any of your transformations please feel free to contact me. I’m going to be opening up space to work with people 1:1 and I’d be honored to help you on your journey of transformation because honestly support has been the best tool for my transformation. I’ve never worked with a coach before last year and to see how far I’ve come has been everything and more, I can’t even put into words. I’m grateful for the people who have activated me on this journey. We aren’t meant to do this work alone, and I used to have this belief even but truly connection has been the reason for a lot of my growth! Let that transformation come through. I never thought I’d be coaching, but here we are and it feels like I’ve been called to do this. Thank you guys so much. Hope you all are hanging in there with this quarantine. This is when huge transformation is happening. We are all characters in our own movies right now going through a period of isolation. When we get out we are going to be busting out upgraded versions of ourselves who may need to get haircuts and a wax. Don’t resist the change, you got this!