How to Start Your Own Meditation Practice or Go Deeper on the One You Already Have

Meditation used to be something I said I would never do. Thank goodness that changed because meditation has truly transformed my life.

What could meditation do for you? Or what has it maybe already done?

I started meditating about 9 years ago, few years out of high school with stress levels that were continuously high and emotions that felt honestly, explosive. Truthfully I was even having suicidal thoughts mixed with anxiety attacks and I truly didn’t know who to turn to. Everyone just kept saying “live with it”. I was going crazy, my thoughts felt dangerous and the more time that passed the harder it was to talk about the awful pain I was experiencing daily.

Time was passing and I didn’t feel like it was getting better, like I was getting better…

Meditation continued to pop up on my YouTube and I thought what do I have to lose.

Immediately I felt better after one guided meditation. This shocked me and it has grown more and more ever since.

If you are ready to start a meditation practice or if you want to go deeper on the one you have here are a few tips of mine and how I started my practice.

Comfort. This is so crucial. Have a comfortable place to become still and relaxed. I have heard it’s not the best to meditate in bed but I don’t follow that. I say meditate literally anywhere you are comfortable. The key is not to fall asleep, focus on your breathe. Honestly it’s ok if you do fall asleep though. Your subconscious is still listening. Sometimes I do a meditation before bed and it guides me into a peaceful sleep every time. Typically laying down on a mat, or on the floor creates a nice straight spine but again, do it if you’re comfortable. Sitting up didn’t always work for me but now I love sitting up and using a meditation cushion. Adding bolsters and props might bring even more comfort if you have them.

Second tip; relax and don’t judge whether you’re doing it right or not. Meditating is difficult at first because it’s easy to expect something or wait for a certain feeling and it’s just not like that. Every time you meditate it will be different. Sometimes it will be easy to breath and feel peaceful, sometimes an answer to a question you had comes but it’s always different. When we expect it takes away from our awareness. Just let it happen. Don’t judge yourself. You may hear guidance, or you may visualize a field of wild flowers. Or you may even just see darkness, that’s ok too. Every time will be different and the more you do it the more you will get out of it, trust me.

Location. Starting out it’s a beautiful thing to have a place to go to tap in to the power of meditation. Creating a place that is your own sacred area will keep you coming back in my opinion. I still love using my sacred space but I meditate everywhere now. My favorite is outside. The sun is so activating when you first wake up and meditate. Do this anywhere you’d like. Make it your own. Always make sure you are somewhere safe where you will not be disturbed.

When my mind is at peace, the way is clear.

Choose the style. I started out with short ten minute guided meditations on YouTube. The more I got into it the more I realized there are tons of different styles to meditate I probably still haven’t tried them all. The basic sound options I rotate through are; binaural beats and frequencies, guided, affirmations, and hypnotherapy. Binaural beats and frequencies have no voice, but use brainwave activity to help you relax and tap into meditation easily and effectively. Guided is still one of my favorites, a voice to focus on is relaxing to myself. I suggest this one to start with because it is easy to keep the focus on what ever guided meditation you have chosen. Affirmations are simple and direct. Listen to the affirmation and repeat it in your head to yourself with emotion backing the words you are saying. This form of meditation can be really powerful. Hypnotherapy last but not least, is where you go even deeper into the subconscious. I have found it to be extremely healing and very effective. It’s not like they convey on the movies, you don’t lose control and turn into a crazy animal. You have total control and all hypnosis is self hypnosis.

There are so many benefits and positivity meditation helps with but if you truly are interested in starting a practice just do it! It is very rewarding right away and long term especially. A few ideas to get you started; look up meditations on YouTube (any style that I listed above) and you can focus on success, wealth, happiness, love, positivity, healing, and anything you would like help strengthening your mindset with.

Watch your wildest dreams of health, wealth and happiness come true!

If you have never meditated I challenge you to try it, what do you have to lose? Your life can transform, at the least you will find relaxation. We are in stressful times and finding healthy ways to cope in the uncertainty is more important than ever! Sending you all love, stay high vibing.

My First Blog Post

     Have you ever wanted to begin something, and just didn't know where to start? That's where I am at with writing this blog. If I'm being honest (which honesty is exactly what I'm going for) this is really hard. Digging deep is easy for me, sharing is the hard part. Being vulnerable is the last thing most of us want to do, but what happens when we let ourselves step into that vulnerable place? We are able to be ourselves, in an authentic light we all crave. I am ready; ready to share, ready to be honest and ready to do exactly what I've been feeling called to do, starting with writing and speaking my truth through this blog. We have all been through something difficult, traumatic, and life changing. So why is there so much separation, and so much hatred. It's time to connect and find support in our similarities and acceptance in our differences. I'm here to share the scary stuff, the pain, and confusing bullshit in everyday life that I'm sure you can relate too, also I will share the highs and the happy moments that make all of this healing truly worth it. This is for you, and this is for me. Lets get deep and leave that surface level. 
     Since we are being honest I'm in a weird place currently. A better place than three months ago that's for sure, but a weird place non the less. A few months ago I was serving, although it was decent money and I didn't have to work long hours I felt more and more drained everyday I went into work, truth is after a while ALL of my jobs felt that awful. Something actually felt broken inside, I had no drive and felt extremely disconnected to not only every person I came into contact with but most of all I felt disconnected from myself. I would have loved to blame my job (as I have done in the past) but the truth is it was me. I was broken. Work and TV were always an easy escape for me and it became exactly that everyday. As soon as I could come up to the surface for air, I felt like I was drowning again already over and over. I felt disconnected from my soul but one day driving to work I felt on my heart "trust". Universe/God/Source undeniably was there in that moment when I was so lost. Every once and a while we feel things we cant explain but I absolutely feel what happens next was a blessing in disguise I knew I had to trust. There was a fire the next day at the restaurant I was serving at. I felt devastated, it really felt like I lost something but I knew to trust this. I couldn't keep escaping, I finally had to face the monsters I had been avoiding for months or maybe even years. I have taken this time to fall back in love with my life and heal in every way I needed. Physical pain was only a fraction of the healing I was going to have to reconnect with. I was still feeling pain in my jaw from my wisdom teeth surgery over 2 years ago, I had been coping and ignoring at all cost. My back and feet were also suffering along with my poor health. Emotional pain was the last place I wanted to visit (we are going to get into all of that good stuff that we all avoid like the plague). Of course my mental health was on a downward spiral also. I'm not here to complain about all my bullshit and find sympathy, I don't want or need that. I am here to share and hopefully help someone who is going through something I have gone through or similar. Pain isn't evil, it is our tool to guide us to nurture what is broken. Ignoring pain is the easy part, feeling it and letting it hit us right where it hurts is the hardest thing but when you feel you heal. Lets grow through what we go through. I'm here to be honest and I know if you've read this far you're also here to be honest, so I'd like to take a minute and say thank you! I hope this resonates so you'll keep coming back to see where this journey takes me! If you'd like to share anything or talk about any of this please slide in my dm's on instagram! My life feels like a mess but that's ok I'm embracing the uncertainty and excited to see how I show up authentic and in full expression.  

22 Affirmations to Boost Your Immune System!

Right now it is so important to keep our immunity up, I don’t even have to tell you guys. You know.

There are many ways to keep that immune system happy; our diet, our stress levels, vitamin intake and so much more plays a role into our health. I believe one of those major factors includes our mindset.

Affirmations are a great way to train our mind to resonate with certain beliefs. Success, happiness, gratitude are very common affirmations to listen to and read but I think we can support our immune systems just as much with subliminal messages and affirmations.

I listen to immune boosting affirmations anytime I am starting to feel a cold or even just when seasonal allergies start irritating the heck out of me.

So here are 22 affirmations I came up with to help you guys boost your immunity also!! Hope you enjoy, and these can help any time not just when your needing an immune boost!

  • My body is releasing anything no longer serving me.
  • I am grateful for my health.
  • I feel energized and I know my body is working to keep me feeling great.
  • Good health is my birthright.
  • Everyday in Every way I am getting healthier and healthier.
  • I am open and receptive to all of the healing energies of the universe.
  • I love and care for my body and it cares for me.
  • My body always heals quickly.
  • I invest in myself and my health because I deserve to feel good.
  • I am able to sleep through the night peacefully and wake up feeling rested.
  • I am open to new ways of improving my health.
  • I do things that support my health and happiness.
  • I am letting go of things that bring my mind and body stress.
  • I recover quickly.
  • I am grateful for all of my organs working healthily and fully on their own.
  • My heart always keeps me going, it is strong and resilient.
  • My wellness is a priority.
  • I love the way I feel in my body.
  • I speak to myself with love and compassion and give appreciation to my body.
  • My mind is clear and healthy.
  • Thank you for my legs that I use to walk everyday.
  • I am so extremely grateful for my healthy always working immune system.

3 Ways to Tap into Your Abundance Now

We all have the ability to tap into abundance.

When we are children, we see the richness of life in everything we touch, taste and feel. Everything is more radiant. Laughs are harder and smiles are sweeter. We enjoy life for what it is and don’t really have a concept of money yet. We have all we need, and see abundance everywhere naturally.

Our conditioning teaches us otherwise as life goes on. I used to blame my parents for the awful energy I had around money, but honestly they tried their best and money was just as much of a fear to them. Would we have enough for this item I wanted at the store. The answer was always “we don’t have money for that” which taught me we don’t have money for things we want, only for things we need.

As I grew into an adult I noticed that same mentality was following me around EVERYWHERE. I always had just enough to pay my bills. Always right on the dot of what I needed but hardly ever had even $10 extra dollars to go get some food.

The income I was making grew but then my bills would grow along with it. I couldn’t catch a break. I felt poor and helpless. Even when I had money the fear of losing it was always on my mind.

My adult life consisted of me working and then never having money to do anything else. I ran that hamster wheel for a decade, feeling constantly drained and I was unsure how to get off so I kept going until I absolutely couldn’t take another minute of the run around.

I realized it wasn’t the money I was making. It wasn’t the jobs I had. My awful feelings around money was my mindset. It was me, I was the problem all along. I knew I could do something from here though. So I did.

Money is apart of life, but the energy we feel around money is up to us. Here are 3 of my tips to step into your abundance now. Hope you enjoy, and always remember you were born to prosper.

First tip: Raise your vibration and you will be a magnet for even more. When we are a magnet we don’t even have to try, those things we define as abundant will come to us naturally. In my opinion the more we focus on something the harder it is for it to come to us. Be a vibration match for the things you want and watch them start showing up. There are so many ways to raise your vibration, basically anything that makes you happy works. Some examples can be meditating, hiking, star gazing, laughing with friends and the list really goes on and on. It’s important for us to be in a happy state to attract abundance.

Gratitude for what you already have is so important when creating more abundance in your life. Look around, see everything you have and appreciate having those things. You once didn’t have those things. Just like you might not have a million dollars in your bank account right now but if you want to be a magnet for that you must be grateful for the money you do have in there. Even if it’s only $2. Trust me, gratitude it magic.

Allow yourself to receive. OH MY GOSH. This one is honestly so important but truly where a lot of people get stuck. This has a lot to do with self worth. Sometimes we block our blessings from fully arriving in our lives just because of the simple fact that we are not open to receive. Flex that self worth muscle, grow it and know you deserve every fucking thing you want. Energy is an interesting thing and our energy will never lie. Some of us never learned how to receive, always giving but this isn’t allowing abundance to come into your life. It’s should be an equal harmony of give and take. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve struggled with this one but the more we become aware of it the better we get at noticing when we are taking the short end of the stick. Abundance is your birthright, all you have to do is accept it!!

I know this was short and sweet but I was feeling a flow on this subject! Thinking about adding wealth codes every so often, stay on the look out for more!!

Sending you all so much positivity hope everyone is creating the life of their dreams, I know I am!

Four Steps to Start Creating ANYTHING

Some are born creators. They create masterpieces out of thin air. As children, I believe we are all creative and then as we get older we have to push down the creative flow and start “getting serious”. I envy those who have never lost their creativity but I am very grateful to have a process to always tune back into my creativity. I am so happy to share them with you guys so we will get right to it!

Blocks be gone, creation come through. Here are four steps in order that I tap into while facing a wall in creating.

Inspiration is where it all begins. This is where the magic starts and all of the creativity is formed here, in my opinion! Inspiration is interesting because it is different for EVERYONE. What inspires you and gets you in your creative flow might not be what gets another flowing. Do what gets you into that fully expressed state! It could be dancing, and moving your body in all the sweet ways. Some find inspiration from the things happening in their lives and around them. My all time favorite way to get inspired is honestly meditating. My mind is vivid world and when I tap into its power I always come back with more creative energy and inspiration to create what ever the fuck I want!

Dedication is the next essential step to bringing your creations to life in this world. If all we ever did was step one we would get absolutely no where, like I did for a few years of creating. We all go through it as artists and creators but how you keep going is going to bring your work success. Dedication to growing and to keep going even if you need to take a break is everything. I’m being honest when I say you might not always have the motivation and drive but when your dedication is stronger you will create magic. In time you will see your work grow, or in no time it’s all about your dedication.

Believe in yourself is the next key ingredient. I’m not going to lie, this has been a huge issue for me and the reason a lot of my creations have stayed on the back burner. The more you practice anything you get better, same with believing in yourself. It feels uncomfortable at first and you may just want to push through, but tapping into why you are doing what you are doing and why you are completely capable of creating this into the world. Our ideas choose us for a reason. They come to us because we can and will make it happen. Giving up on our dreams isn’t going to cut it. Tune into why that self worth is so low. You deserve to see the best in yourself, we all do. Self worth will change our business’, our homes, our relationships and our lives. Believing in yourself will back you every time, promise.

Action. Last but not least, YOU GOTTA TAKE ACTION. Not just any action, but aligned action. If you are getting stuck on this last step you are either feeling a bit stuck in taking action, or you’re doing A LOT but it’s all over the place and there is no intention behind the actions. Compulsive work is yuck in my opinion. I don’t always take action, I take action when it feels right and in alignment. If you are pushing and forcing it doesn’t feel good. We must learn the balance of rest and work but when it is time to take action we are full and ready to be in our highest light to create and serve.

For years I felt stuck. If you guys are here, I see you, I feel you. You got this.

Sometimes you will have all of the energy to create, other times you might feel stuck for what feels like forever but you are never stuck. Don’t let any block have control or power over you. You are a creator. Take your power back!

I hope you enjoy these tips to getting into a state of flow. If you’ve read this far I want to share my secret for tapping into my creativity and letting my creations come to life in this physical world. My secret is chakras. Start at the root, up to the crown and come back down again to root. The energy will flow through you to connect you to your highest creative potential!

This will be part of my 1:1 coaching offer coming out in December! If you’re interested in going deeper look out for more details coming soon!!

Sending love beautiful beings.

Slowing Down Could Save You

Life gives us no warning. Destruction can hit your world quicker than you can imagine. Sometimes another thing hits you on your ass, and maybe another and another (the way this year has been) at that point it feels easier to just “keep going”, instead of processing what we just went through, no matter how devastating.

I am writing on this today because this reminder has been my saving grace this week.

Slowing down can be seen as a weakness in our society. This can be crippling to our health, and self worth. If we believe that slowing down is weak what if we go so far to train ourselves to never slow down? To never be enough, never get enough done… this doesn’t sound fulfilling to me, what about you guys?

The stress in the world today has caused a lot of turmoil in each of our lives, in one way or another. It is crucial to know when to slow down, and it’s different for everyone.

My year has been a shit storm, like I’m sure a lot of your 2020’s are going.

I tried for months to “stay in the positive” “keep going” “DONT SLOW DOWN” and then boom I slammed into a wall (figuratively) that I didn’t know if I’d be able to get back up from.

You think that would have been the moment I slowed down, but nope. I kept beating on myself to do more, to be more and to help more. This was my excuse, how could I slow down when I have all this bigness inside waiting to burst out. How could I slow down when so many people had it worse. How could I slow down and look even weaker than I already do. Basically all the low vibrational self worth bullshit coming up.

I am all for being there for others, and I am one who does anything for the people I love but I wasn’t taking into consideration how empty my cup was. Eventually it hits you, you can’t keep pouring from this empty cup.

After months of just pushing. I got news my father passed away( also someone who always kept going, no matter how much stress he was holding). My world stopped…. it was unexpected, and heartbreaking. I still wanted to keep going, honestly I don’t think I could have stopped in that moment. It felt too heavy. Too unbearable. I couldn’t accept this reality right away. I had things I needed to do, or so I thought. At that point I knew accepting this pain would almost kill me too, so unconsciously I made a choice to distract myself from those dark feelings. Suppress suppress suppress sis, and don’t beat yourself up if you have done this because sometimes we aren’t ready to let go and crumble into pieces.

Denial only lasts for so long I learned, and it comes back around to hit you even harder. Our tough emotions won’t leave us until we let them in, process them and then let them go.

Keeping up with todo lists was stoping me from really going inward.

Comforting everyone else was also another way for me to avoid.

Even distractions such as our phones, computers and televisions are always there to keep us from actually slowing down.

You have important things to process whether you think you do or not.

We never really see these patterns until we slow down.

Finally, after one bad thing piled onto another. The straw that broke the camels back happened. You guys are going to laugh, because the universe in my opinion gave me this nudge to slow down, ever so unapologetically.

When I woke up one morning I stepped outside for a minute and realized somehow I locked myself outside. No phone. No tv. And not a single distraction in site. I tried to think of how I’d get back in if not I’d have to wait for almost 7 hours till someone else was back home to let me in. An hour passed and I had nothing. Finally it all just hit me. The 3 deaths I had just experienced in a matter of a couple months, the stress of feeling behind in my work and business and every other big and little thing I had been suppressing and doing everything to ignore all hit me like a truck load of bricks landing on me.

I cried.

I mourned.

I screamed.

I cried and cried some more but finally I felt a flicker that it was gonna be ok. I was still here and I still had a purpose, even though I let myself stop for a moment everything was ok.

It hurts when you let it in, but the weight of carrying your pain without processing it can leave you feeling this pain faintly for a lot of your life, much longer than necessary.

Some of us don’t know how to slow down because we have programmed ourselves to keep going even in the hardest of circumstances. If this is the case for you, just keep using this slow down muscle and you will build it up slowly. The amount of work you do should never measure your worth. Give yourself permission to slow down.

My dear brave souls. If you’ve read this far, you also might not know how to slow down durning these insane times but I promise it’s worth it. Find something that works for you, anything. Just know you are so strong, and no matter what you feel you can handle it. You were given this pain for a purpose, just as I was. The positivity will reappear eventually while we heal.

Even though it doesn’t make sense now, I will believe, I will trust and most of all I will allow myself to slow down.

I’m not going to give you a list of things to help you slow down, and I’m not even going to pretend I know what slowing down means to you so I will leave you with a simple channeled message I think everyone will benefit from.

“My worth will never be measured by the amount I get done today. I am always and will always be worthy.”

Sending you all so much fucking love. Stay strong brave ones.

Slowing Down Could Save You

Slowing Down Could Save You

— Read on divingdeepwithdd.com/2020/09/19/slowing-down-could-save-you/

How to Start Your Own Meditation Practice or Go Deeper on the One You Already Have

How to Start Your Own Meditation Practice or Go Deeper on the One You Already Have

— Read on divingdeepwithdd.com/2020/09/09/how-to-start-your-own-meditation-practice-or-go-deeper-on-the-one-you-already-have/

Out of Pain into Purpose

Hello sweet souls, my name is Danielle and thank you so much for taking time to read this. Welcome to diving deep with dd. I know things are crazy for everyone right now, and we each have something different going on, so this post is going to get straight to the point on how to start feeling great right now. This has been a spot where I have expressed more of my past pain and even had this realization I’ve been the wounded healer. I’ve been healing and mostly talking about the pain. I’m here to say that chapter has ended. I am still figuring out who I am and I am getting clearer and clearer! Truly I know I’ve always wanted to have my own business and I feel so grateful to be able to intuitively guide with my gifts and be a bad ass business woman helping lift other bad ass business women! I will no longer be telling the story of the wounded healer. I have taken my power back and I will take responsibility for my choices and actions because there’s enough pain in this world I’m here to brighten it up a little and help women align with their abundance also. From here on out this will be a place to dive deeper into the empowerment, the passion and the purpose. I will still discuss the pain but it will quickly lead to the purpose!

We all deserve to get the fuck out of our pain and into our purpose.

I’ve been taking this time to really go inward and figure out some deep shit. I hope you all are doing well in these intense times but if you are wanting to feel a little more back in alignment I am going to share 7 easy ways to get you back to feeling your best!

I’ve had life slapping me in the face left and right but these things have really helped me get out of my head and back into moving forward even in these times where life feels like it came to a sudden stop.

I just want to take a moment to acknowledge anyone who has been going through hell and is still trying to get through to a better time, a better feeling and better life. You are doing the work and that is brave! Give yourself credit, healing is hard and it’s never going to be linear. So here we are, hope you enjoy!

Meditate. This can be hard to put your mind to it but once you do trust me you won’t regret it. Meditation always gets me back on track. Your mind is powerful and the more positivity you feed it the stronger your positive outlook will be. It goes so much deeper than that even. For years I worked in a restaurant and I was constantly on the go go go. My mind was always racing and my anxiety felt so familiar, I didn’t even know it was there. When your stressed out, our nervous system is working on over drive and when you always have an over active nervous system you basically just keep piling on the stress. If you just take a second to take a pause, your nervous system will start to reboot. This will help you with so many things!

Get out in nature. This will always raise your vibration easily and effortlessly. I don’t have to say much, I’m sure you’ve been out in nature and immediately you feel an overwhelming feeling of bliss. That is the magic only nature can bring. Rain, sun or snow, nature always seems to reflect back a message we are needing.

Movement. This was the absolute key to me recovering from my depression. It was hard at first. I had no motivation to get up and my days were spent netflixing and escaping my reality. I started moving A little more every day and now I can’t remember how it felt to not want to move honestly. Move out of the energy, move out of the story and the power it’s holding over you. I still do this. Motion causes a flow of emotion and this really lets the good feels start flowing it! Dance, run, go on a walk just do something to get moving and it will push you to the next place your wanting to go!

Rest. So important. We need to work, hustle and create but if we don’t rest none of those things will be achieved easily. This happened to me today even. I had a full Monday productively planned. I woke up sore, and had very little sleep the night before. Instead of forcing myself to get to work I listened to my body and it needed more rest. I would have said absolutely not before, it’s Monday, you can’t be lazy on a Monday. That is not how I operate anymore, thank goodness! I let myself rest, I fell back asleep for a good 5 more hours and after I was so pumped and rejuvenated. I got more work done after my rest and relaxation than I have in weeks. Giving yourself rest is essential. If you are up leveling rest will be your best friend. Allow yourself to rest and work, it doesn’t have to be one or the other!

Listen to something that makes you feel good. Affirmations are my favorite. Or even podcasts have been a great uplifted lately. Find a few you love and listen when you need a little inspiration! Can’t forget about the booty shaking music, or what ever your style is! Music always sets the mood! If I am mad or sad I put that genre on that pulls out those emotions and wow, I always feel great after. Of course I have my feel good playlist and that always perks up my mood instantly, with some twerking of course.

Organize. So simple yet so uplifting. A messy life makes you feel a little more overwhelmed than you may need to be. Start small. I bet this will bring clarity and a bit of the weight off your shoulders when you do feel stressed.

Last but not least, take care of yourself. I don’t know who came up with these conditioned terms like taking care of yourself should only be done once all the work is done, or once you achieve this. It’s all garbage. The only way we will get the work done and the only way we will achieve anything is if we take care of ourselves. Some of us weren’t taught these simple things, some of our parents weren’t taught these simple things and it was passed down that it was honorable to take care of everyone around you first and then yourself last. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. In my opinion the more we love ourselves and take care of our shit, the more love we have to give and the more value we give to the people around us. So actually it’s kinda selfless to take care of yourself, right?

Thank you guys so much for reading! Next Wednesday I’ll be publishing a post how to start a meditation practice of your own, or how to go deeper in the one you have now! Hope you all have a great rest of your week! Sending you guys so much love and good energy.

Let’s connect! I am offering one hour intuitive guidance and support for $44!! I am so honored to help in any way I can. You deserve to feel good and know what you want from life and I am here to help get you there!

Instagram: @danidivinediva____

I am a dreamer on a mission to fulfill my purpose. I am a healer, artist and mentor. I help women align with their passion and purpose to live the best lives they’ve ever imagined! I have healed childhood wounds that affected me most of my life, I’ve healed physical injuries such as tendinitis on my wrist, and misalignment in my spine. I am a self taught energetic healer and I’ve studied chakras for 7 years now! So honored I get to share my knowledge and wisdom. This is what life gets to be. What ever the hell you want it to be!

The Relationship to Your Body

Hating your body will never get you as far as loving it will. It is our birth right to have a body. It’s our choice how we feel in it.

We all have a different relationship to our own bodies. If you have at any point felt your body is not yours, or your choice or boundaries were not respected please take a moment and honor that pain.

I see you, I feel you. What ever you’ve been through, if it was not your choice know that was not fair. I truly am sorry you had to endure that. This is where you get to choose if being in your body is safe again. No one else’s choice, only yours.

Accepting your body is a journey. Especially when you’ve been shown you weren’t safe, honored or considered. If I could tell you guys all of the stories of body shaming, body neglect and overall hate of my body I’ve been through it would take days. My point is, it’s a journey and it’s a relationship. Just like your other relationships sometimes you’ll need to nurture it more, comfort it, forgive it and maybe even yell and scream at it like we all do in our other relationships every once and a while.

ApologizIng to your body is the first place to start. No matter what you have been through in your vehicle of flesh and bones, give it gratitude for where you are. Declare that you’re done with feeling unsafe in your body and unconnected to this physical world through it.

Your body won’t always feel perfect but trust me it’s worth connecting to and listening. You only get one of these, you can ignore it or you can fucking feel every inch of your body from your toes to the top of your head, it’s a gift and it’s your gift. When we feel the bad shit we get to feel the good shit too. I hear you though, maybe you’ve been so detached from your body you don’t even know where to begin or how to connect back. Or maybe your in your body hardcore and super grounded feeling all the good feels always. Either way this post will be meaningful because I’m sure you didn’t just pop out the womb feeling great in your body. You went through something that built this relationship to your body. We are all on this journey with our human existence and we get a body on this adventure.

Ok story time. TRIGGER WARNING. I’ve been dreading telling this story because it was not the best time of my life And revisiting it has brought up a lot of heavy energy but the beautiful thing about healing is even when you let that emotion back in, you know you will come out of it, definitely wasn’t always that way though.

I was young when this occurred, naive and lost as fuck. So naturally I would land in the perfectly wrong guys lap. This was in high school, my first “real” relationship. Little did I know it would be the beginning of my toxic relationship with my body and overall toxic relationship with men, that always ended up feeling extremely unsafe to me. I actually felt more comfortable with the cheaters, liars and manipulators because that was what I knew and it almost was familiar to be mistreated.

For years I already had an awkward relationship with my body but everything gets way more awkward in high school. You start feeling all the hormones and all the cravings of things you’d never wanted before…… sex.

I was honestly ok with holding off. After hearing my moms story of how she lost her virginity basically to a stranger when she was 15, and not ready. The guy was older and didn’t respect her and that stuck with me after learning that I would always know when it was the right guy and the right time and learn from her mistakes she regretted, or so I thought it would be easier to make a different choice.

This guy I met was my first time holding hands in the hallway, the first time making out and the first time I felt unsure if it was ok to say no. No to him treating me like crap, no to him convincing me he loved me but would have several other of these relationships with girls. He was not good news, he was just as lost as I was, probably more. I’ll never forget the first time I was disrespected on another level though. We were at my parents house in my room and he did not have permission to stick his hands in my pants but he did, and I felt frozen. There was nothing leading up to that he just did it and it shocked me. That’s not were it ends, it only got worse but it was over months not all at once, but the abuse kept me coming back needing a little more of pushing last my boundaries. I just thought that’s how love worked. I feel shameful thinking back because how could I have stayed when he clearly didn’t respect me but when you’re young and you’ve only seen toxic love you accept the worst treatment. it was an addiction to have him mistreat me and for months there was playing with that fire and him testing my boundaries trying to convince me we were ready to have sex, and he wanted to lose his virginity to me and he knew I was the one. Blah blah blah, anything to get into my pants and I still felt like it wasn’t right but started to feel guilty. He said I was leading him on and I begun to question was I? Truly, I just cared a lot about him and didn’t know how to let his toxic bullshit go but I slowly was convinced I was the one in the wrong.

I didn’t feel ready still, and once again without permission and even with a firm no, he violated me. This is where I knew he didn’t care about me. No means no. No does not mean convince me. That’s not what he thought. Actually I don’t know what he thought. He had no consideration. It was all a game to him….. He stuck his penis inside of me and instantly I shoved him off, struggling for a second but I was able to get him off. I told him that was to far, I took him home with not many words exchanged and I left feeling the most lost, scared and upset I’d ever been. Worst part was I felt like I was the one who did something wrong.

I held it in for a week or so and had to tell my friends, thinking maybe they would give any support or comfort. I was having panic attacks the first time in my life and I didn’t realize at the time but I was detaching from my body slowly because I felt so unsafe and wasn’t dealing with it. After talking with my friends I received the opposite of kindness, they actually told me I should have expected that would happen eventually and it was my choice and I should just deal with it. So I did. This is why people who see evil done are sometime more evil. I was convinced at that point, it was my fault and I needed to take responsibility and never let anything like that happen ever again. Over my dead body.

I shoved it down, like it never happened. Part of me even forget it happened. Even though it was completely out of my mind, the pain in my body just kept growing and getting worse and worse. For about seven years I NEVER spoke of this again, and then it all came back to the surface when the pain had built for all those years. It came out mostly in my relationships. It was like a monster was inside of me, doing anything to protect myself. It wasn’t pretty, I felt scared and unsafe in a lot of moments but I was finally healing, and I was able to finally be back in my body and reclaim my right of having a body and being safe in it.

There were a lot of painful things that happened and a lot of suffering before I actually dealt with it but it changed my life once I finally let that pain in. I hadn’t admitted what had been done to me for almost 10 years, a part of me convinced myself I didn’t go through something as bad as most girls go through. I couldn’t own the word and until about a year ago I was finally able to own this pain. I had been raped. I was disrespected when he didn’t hear my no, and trust me I said it. I finally realized it doesn’t matter if they are your boyfriend, if you say no they have no right to do what you are saying no to. People around you might convince you otherwise but fuck that, it’s your body, your choice and you know if it was your choice or not.

This is way to common of a thing going on, and it needs to end. We can’t be quiet, we must not blame ourselves either for the time we have been silent (this is our healing and it can look how ever it needs). It was scary for me to share this so publicly but I know I went through it for a bigger purpose. If I can connect or help anyone who has gone through something similar it will have been for something big that I went through this. Same goes to you, we aren’t meant to feel alone and ashamed anymore. We are meant to heal our pain and raise the vibration of this planet from doing so!!! Love you guys so much, this was a heavy one this week. Thank you so much for reading.

If you want to connect please feel free to shoot me an email! I love meeting and connecting with you guys!
I’m on Instagram too if you guys wanna connect there! danidivinediva____

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